10 August 2010 The Autumn Enneagram Hello everyone I trust you are enjoying the summer. And, while enjoying the summer, I'd like to remind you of the autumn dates for the Enneagram workshops in Haslingfield: September 13, October 11 and December 13. I'll be exploring the Passions and Virtues of the Image types, 2, 3 and 4. In September, I begin with the Passion of the Enneatype Three. The world is a thoroughly difficult place for the Three, at least, that is, for the people of this tendency who want to get out of their Trap. That's because the modern world admires Three type thinking and behaviour and rewards it. In their trap, Three type people, and the rest of us also sometimes, are concerned with performance, image and success. And what does the world reward more than that?! With celebrity, wealth, gold stars etc. Throw in a touch of vanity and deceit and you get an even clearer picture of the Trap. But people of the Three type do get out of the Trap. They do so when they realise that their value is not based on their performance, on what they DO! They get out of the race when they are able to experience the depths of their own hearts; when they liberate themselves from the role playing; and are able to BE! To be who they really are. I'll send you more details later and in the meantime really look forward to seeing you. Be well. Thomas 8 March 2010 Enneatype Three: performance, image, success and Harmony Hi every one Image is one of those words we associate more specifically with the Enneatype Three and in fact with celebrities, success and the performance driven culture of the world we live in. It’s also, tragically, a word I associate with young people I meet driven to despair by what they perceive as their failure to live up to the images imposed upon them. Somewhere in the image there is a lie and an emptiness. Think bankers’ performance bonuses hiding abysmal failure; models’ brushed photographs covering up the tiredness of it all; Tiger Woods, squeaky clean in the media, but in the shadows human like the rest of us. And, like the rest of us, people of the Enneatype Three tendency are there to be truly great, where it matters, both inside and out. Not human doings but human beings. Human Beings called to Harmony and Hope. If you are interested in finding out how you too are truly great, come to this workshop. It’s in Haslingfield, around a real log fire, beginning with refreshments at 7.15pm and ending at 9.30pm. The fee for everything is £15 per person, concessions are available, and everyone, whatever their performance level, or not, in the Enneagram, are very, very welcome. Go well. Thomas Haslingfield 6 February 2010 IT'S THE LAW: THE POPE, GAYS AND ENNEA-TYPE SIXES My last musings about Blue Monday and Depression certainly hit a chord and thank you to everyone who got back to me on it. Someone rightly reminded me to give a thought too for those people who care for loved ones suffering from depression and dementia. It can be a source of great anguish and loneliness. If you’d like to get back to me on these few musings below, or on any other subject, I’d be delighted to hear from you. BBC Drive Time interviewed me again yesterday. The Government is bringing out an Equality Bill which would oblige all employers to give full equal rights to gay people looking for employment. It seems that this Bill would cover every employer in the country, including religious bodies such as the Catholic Church. You can imagine the horror of the leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict, at the idea of gay people being eligible to positions of authority in his organisation. He has therefore written to the Catholic bishops of the UK urging them to fight this Bill. This Bill, claims he, “violates natural law”. Natural Law, yes, the law. It’s the Law. To be obeyed. Says he. “How do you feel about the Pope’s statement?” the interviewer asked me. “Sadness”, I replied. “What was your own attitude to gay people when you were a parish priest?” “The same as it was with everyone else: Respect for who they are whatever their colour, race, creed, and sexual orientation. A desire to help people let go of the guilt that too often paralyses them because of who they are and the message they have received. Help them see themselves, not as born sinners, but as a blessing for the Universe.” When the interviewer then asked me if I thought Benedict would ever change his mind, a wicked thought came into my mind: “No”, I answered, “no way will he ever change his mind…unless, wait a minute, unless possibly if he had a child himself and that child came out as gay”. Trouble is since Benedict upholds the law of celibacy for priests and therefore forbids priests like himself to marry, then he’s not going to have a child anyway. So really we’re stuck. Laws, in the eyes of Benedict, tend to be rigid. His own authority is to be obeyed. It is given to him by God which kind of leaves little room for doubt or discussion. Which brings me to the style of the Six on the Enneagram model. People with Six-ish tendencies can have especially painful issues with the Law and Authority. They can react in two seemingly contradictory ways. They can be submissive to authority or rebel against it. Either way they react to authority from the same place of fear. They can ask direct, penetrating, to-the-point questions at work, in a social gathering or in an Enneagram workshop for instance. Or, as happens very often, they can be fearful and doubtful of their own selves, keeping quiet and listening despondently as someone else asks a question a long time after they themselves had first thought of it. People of the Six-ish tendency can give away their own authority to someone whom they deem more worthy of it than they themselves. Referred to by such names as Doubters, Questioners, and Loyalists people of the Six type can be charming, generous, and trustworthy. They have a wicked sense of humour and often a fabulous power of analysis. People of the Six style need to regain contact with their own Strength and experience once again Faith in themselves, not as indecisive weaklings, but as Divine. We will be exploring their world in a workshop this coming Monday, 8 February. The workshop is open to everyone whatever their experience, or not, of the Enneagram model. It begins with refreshments at 7.15 and finishes at 9.30. The fee of £15 per person covers everything and, where appropriate, concessions are available. Just speak with me confidentially. If you dare, please do join us. Go well. Thomas Haslingfield 18 January 2010 BLUE MONDAY AND DEPRESSION BBC Radio Cambridge interviewed me yesterday on the subject of Blue Monday. That’s today, Monday 18 January, which with the help of some mathematical formula, a psychologist called Cliff Arnall reckons will be the most depressing day of 2010. I’m not at all sure of the validity of Arnall’s formula but it did give me the opportunity to mention depression, a subject dear to my heart. Why dear to my heart? For at least three reasons: • I suffer severe and sometimes prolonged bouts of depression myself • a lot of my clients and others I meet suffer from it • it’s a subject that needs to be talked about. Oh, and also because about six thousand people a year kill themselves in the UK – and most of them have to be pretty depressed to do that. And a lot of them are our kids. It can happen to anyone, and does – professional people, people who are considered a success in life, sports people, Stephen Fry, teachers, students, grannies and possibly to you. Churchill famously called his depression his “black dog”. Mine I called Syrene. She’s the mythical mermaid who with her beauty attracted mariners to their death on the jagged rocks she called them towards. And it’s true, depression can take on a personality of its own and can hold its own dark attraction. It can take over our lives, lurking around us, threatening to strike at any moment; a black cloud that veils our eyes, suffocates our soul, making everything seem hopeless. A tunnel with no exit, ever. Depression is not for mad people. Mad people have their own issues. In fact, one of the kindest things a doctor ever said to me when I first went to him years ago was “Thomas, you are not going mad”. I find that I repeat those words to clients and others who are suffering from depression, and they experience a similar sort of relief. Depression, in fact, is often a sign of our basic mental good health and sanity. The doctor insisted on that also. “Thomas”, he said, “after what you’ve gone through over the past years, if you weren’t in this state, then you would be ill and we would be worried”. Bless him! I mean, when we look at the world around us, and we feel a sense of hopelessness and inadequacy, are we experiencing moments of madness, or rather a reasonable human reaction? When a loved one dies, for instance, or enters the dark world of dementia and becomes a stranger to us, or a close relationship comes to an end, the human mind reacts and the pain can be excruciating, debilitating, and there seems no way out. Friends and family react differently. Many don’t understand. Their reaction is often that of the cheer leader: “Come on, dear, let it go. You’ve got your life in front of you.” Or avoidance. They are afraid of anything “mental”. And others understand. Often because they’ve been there themselves. They listen to the person in depression. They don’t let them wallow unnecessarily and they have the patience to be with them and to accompany them on the small steps they might be able to take in, and hopefully out of, the tunnel. The first essential thing is for the depressed person to be able to talk about it, without shame, as a state of mind which is reasonable. And the second essential thing is that society, all of us, acknowledges the presence of this state of mind in more and more of the people around us. Acknowledge it and talk about it in an open and trusting way. If you’d like to get back to me on this subject I’d be delighted to hear from you. Happy Blue Monday Thomas Haslingfield. 14 September 2009 Hi everyone I don’t suppose you ever have struggles between different parts of you wanting different things. You’ve never had the experience of your head over heating with voices, thoughts and ideas engaged in what seems like some infernal and eternal game of passing the parcel. You never have choices to make between working later and spending more time with your loved ones. Never have you known the pain of choosing between helping someone out again for the trillionth time or leaving them to take responsibility for their own lives. You have no idea of what someone means when they say they are in two minds about something. Or when they say their heart is telling them one thing and their head another. You don't know what it's like to feel there's a crowd of you in you alone. If, by chance, you do experience these conflicts of interest, or others, then you’ll really enjoy this evening’s workshop on Sub personalities. You’ll discover some of your own sub personalities and get some powerful strategies for dealing with them. That’s the Taste of Psychosynthesis workshop this evening, Monday, 14 September, beginning with refreshments at 7.15 and ending at 9.30. This is the last Taste of Psychosynthesis that I‘ll be offering for some time, so you might not want to miss it, unless that is, another part of you would prefer to stay quietly at home. Go well. Thomas Haslingfield 7 July 2009 Hi everyone The next Enneagram workshop is this coming Monday, 13 July. Whether you are a regular to the workshops, a new comer, an expert in the Enneagram model or a beginner, I do hope you are able to join us. We shall be talking about the Perfectionist and Perfection. Perfectionist: A person who takes great pains…and gives them to others. We all know one of them. You can find them at home, as well as among your friends and work colleagues. You may, like my wife, be married to one of them. The person who always finds what’s wrong; who criticises, nags, and is rarely satisfied. In the workplace or home, they are the ones who know what is right, and take it as their duty to correct the rest of us. They are the Perfectionist. The perfectionist is within all of us to a greater or lesser degree. We compare things to how we think they should be. We have standards, principles, ideas about what is good or not good. History, like our everyday lives, is strewn with conflicts and wars provoked by opposing visions of what makes a perfect world. The true ideal of Perfection is beyond this perfectionist blindness. The true ideal of perfection is radically different and hard to define. It can be a source of scandal and disbelief. Because from the perspective of Perfection everything looks just right, everything is a reflection of the completeness and the glory of what is. ______________________________________________________________________________________ On Monday, as is our tradition, we shall celebrate the summer break. Pimms will be on offer, strawberries from our garden, as well as a selection of other delicious things. We'll begin with refreshments at 7.15 and finish the evening at 9.30-ish. The fee of £15 covers everything, the workshop, handouts and refreshments. Welcome. And go well. Thomas Haslingfield, 6 May 2009 Hi everyone I trust you are very well. The next Enneagram workshop is this coming Monday, 11 May 2009, in Haslingfield. We begin with refreshments at 7.15 pm and end at 9.30pm. The fee of £15 covers the workshop, handouts and refreshments. The main theme of our discussion will be Truth. What is truth? How does it work, or not, in the world and in our lives? The evening will be in three parts. In the first part there will be the opportunity to revisit some of the ideas discussed over the last months. These will include Trust and its loss, the holding environment, the formation of the ego, and any other reflections, comments and questions participants might like to share. The second part of the evening will be the opportunity for informal conversation and networking helped by delicious refreshments. And we shall begin the third part with an examination of delusions people get caught up in, leading on to the main topic, the Holy Idea of Truth. It will be a full evening, therefore, and I look forward to seeing you. In April, some of you came to the Taste of Psychosynthesis evening. We all agree it led us into some illuminating discussion. Thank you for the very positive feedback you gave afterwards, and for requesting a follow up. This is happening on Monday 18 May, which seemed to be the most convenient date for the majority of people. The central theme will be the Sub-personalities. It is a concept I have long found invaluable in my personal life and in my work as a therapist. Even if you were not able to attend in April, please feel very welcome to come this time. We begin at 7.15 and end at 9.30. There are refreshments and the fee of £15 covers the workshop, handouts and refreshments. Again I look forward to seeing you. In the meantime, all the best. Go well. Thomas Haslingfield 28 February 2009 Hi everyone. I trust you are very well. Breaking news: Before giving you details of the next workshop in Haslingfield I’d like to tell you of a free interactive workshop I am leading at Borders bookshop in Cambridge 16 March 2009 from 7pm to 8pm. Please spread the word to your family, friends and colleagues. They’ll be forever grateful to you. In the programme you received at the beginning of the year there is no April workshop because of the Easter holiday. However, I intend leading a workshop of introduction to Psychosynthesis on Monday 20 April. Psychosynthesis is a transpersonal model of the universe which complements the Enneagram approach and which I am passionate about. The times and fee will remain the same and there’ll be refreshments and handouts. To give me an idea of the numbers to expect, please let me know if you intend coming. The next regular Enneagram workshop in Haslingfield is on Monday 9 March 2009 beginning with refreshments at 7.15pm and ending at 9.30pm. The fee of £15 per person includes handouts and refreshments. Everyone is welcome. The evening will be in three parts: • A review to allow people to bring forward questions, comments and experiences over the past months which they would like to discuss further. We have used words such as: Personality Essence Ego Observer Presence Do we need to clarify what these mean, for example? • A break for refreshments and informal networking • A centering exercise and a fresh look at what in Enneagram terms we call the ‘holy ideas’. Once again I’d like to thank everyone who attended the last workshop, for all your contributions to the discussion, and for all the meaningful and moving feedback. Again, spread the word and encourage others to join us. On the other hand, if you'd prefer not to receive these emails, maximum two a month, please let me know. Thank you and go well. Thomas Haslingfield 2 February 2009 Hi everyone. The Enneagram, Einstein and a benevolent universe. I trust you are well. I’d like to thank everyone who attended the last workshop, for all your contributions to the discussion, and for all the meaningful and moving feedback. A particular thank you to those who joined us for the first time. I trust you will come back and that you feel free to bring others along with you. On the other hand, if you'd prefer not to receive these emails, maximum two a month, please let me know. 1. The next Enneagram workshop is on Monday 9 February 2009 beginning with refreshments at 7.15pm and ending at 9.30pm. The fee of £15 per person includes handouts and refreshments. Everyone is welcome. The evening will be in three parts: • A discussion on the loss of Trust. This part of the evening will include an experiential exercise and an introduction to the ideas of DW Winnicott and what he called the holding environment. • A break for refreshments and informal networking • A centering exercise and a summary of what in Enneagram terms we call the Holy Ideas At the end of the last evening, someone asked if, in coming workshops, I intend keeping the discussion at the same thought provoking level we have had over the last three months. The short answer is “yes”, and that is thanks to the input of all of us. I also hope we continue to have fun. 2. Some musings: Einstein, it is said, after a life spent exploring the physical world, thought that the most crucial question remaining was Is the universe friendly? In other words, is the universe a benevolent place? Are we ok here? In Enneagram terms, and indeed in the view of all spiritual traditions, the answer is “Yes”. The Universe is ok. It is in constant creation and it is good. We are well. How do you say this, however, to people who are NOT well? How can we be so naive, even arrogant as to say you are well to a family wilfully trapped in the living coffin of Gaza? To people dying of aids with no access to medicines? To an abused child. To people tortured by mental disorders, or to their carers? To people suddenly thrown out of work by the credit crunch? How can we say we are well when there is so much non-wellness around and within us? The question has followed me most of my life. I have asked it when working in some of the most deprived places of Africa and inner cities of Europe; in churches; and in my own despair when I have screamed it out to a god I once believed in. It is the question too that someone posed in our last workshop. And, I suggest, it is the question which, in the Cambridge Enneagram Group, we are humbly trying to answer. See you on Monday. Go well. Thomas Haslingfield, 5 January 2009 Hi everyone A very happy New Year to you all. I want to remind you of the first Enneagram workshop of 2009, this coming Monday, 12 January, beginning with refreshments at 7.15pm and finishing at 9.30. The fee of £15 includes the workshop itself, the refreshments and handouts. Over the last two months we have been exploring the theme of Spirituality. The workshops are attracting a lot of people, some for the first time, and I am receiving a lot of brilliant feedback. Thank you. Please feel free to join us. The workshops are open to all, whatever your knowledge and experience of the Enneagram. The workshop on Monday will be in two main parts. I shall begin with a discussion about Trust and the Enneagram. I shall suggest that in today’s troubled times, when many find trust difficult to have, it is even more essential than ever. Questions come to me such as: Who can we trust? What can we trust? How can we trust? Trust is the basis for the Holy Ideas we discuss in the second part of the evening. I shall be exploring what in Enneagram terms we call the Holy Ideas of Truth, Omniscience, and Wisdom, expressed more specifically through the Enneatypes Eight, Five and Seven. Much of today’s literature on the Enneagram, and there is an increasingly enormous amount of it, focuses on the psychology of the human personality: on the different attitudes to life; world views; ways of acting and of thinking; talents and weaknesses. While this is fascinating and immensely useful work, a purely psychological approach can be limiting. For real understanding and change we need to go deeper. We need to go beyond the categories of the mind, beyond also the physicality of the body and the emotional energy of feelings. For real lasting transformation we need to go to a place where we experience our original wholeness and, dare I say it, our holiness. Helping us towards this experience lies at the heart of what the Enneagram is originally about. I look forward to seeing you on Monday. Go well. Thomas THE ENNEAGRAM AND SPIRITUALITY 27 Oct 2008 Hi everyone As I write, I'm thinking of a man I met recently who told me of how his business, some years ago, went to the wall. Illness had left him severely paralysed and unable to look after the company he had founded thirty years previously and which until then had flourished. Listening to him, and looking into his eyes it was obvious he'd been through a lot. As he continued it also became apparent that this man had found peace. Somehow, he'd found resources within him and, he said, help from people around him, which had allowed him to pull through and to continue living a life which now makes sense. I suppose we all know people like that, people who can pull through even the most catastrophic situations. And we know people also who don't manage it, people whose work, marriage, good health or success in one field or another has been their life. When one day those things go there seems to remain for them very little of them selves. And let's ask our selves how much would remain if catastrophe, in what ever form, struck us. Do we have access to inner resources sufficient to get us through? In the present crunchy financial and business climate the question seems to me timely and one which demands a time for pause. A pause, not to stop working and running our lives and our businesses to the best of our ability, but a pause to ask the essential questions. Questions about where we are going as individuals and as a society. Questions about why we are going there. Are there alternative ways, for instance, of producing and consuming which might be less damaging to the environment, more equal in their global sharing and more meaningful for human beings? They are questions that go beyond the immediately consumable. They go to some deep place where the person I spoke to went when his business collapsed. They go to an essential place which we can call spiritual. And they are the sort of questions we shall be asking in our workshop on Monday evening 10 November and entitled the Enneagram and Spirituality. Hope you can make it and get back to me if you've any comments, questions or your own musings. Thank you. Thomas THE ENNEAGRAM AND SPIRITUALITY Haslingfield, 5 October 2008 Hi everyone, I trust you are well. This is to remind you that the next Enneagram workshop is on Monday, 10 November, and is open to everyone. The theme is Spirituality. Below you’ll find some of my own musings and questions on the subject and please feel free to give your own comments and feedback. Beginning the evening with refreshments at 7.15 we finish at 9.30 and the participation fee is £15 per person. Do please forward this on to others you think might find it of interest. And/or let me know if you’d prefer to be taken off my mailing list. Thank you. --------------------------------------------------- THE ENNEAGRAM AND SPIRITUALITY Spirituality is a vast theme reaching into every area of life. It’s relevant to the Arts, bringing up kids, the Sciences, History, washing dishes, and the corporate world. It’s also topical. A Google search on Spirituality brought me up seventy million references and even Spirituality and the Credit Crunch brought up almost seventy thousand references. So what does it mean to be spiritual? Does spirituality mean, for instance, belonging to a religion? My own personal experience tells me not. I left the Catholic priesthood and the Church because my soul cried out to be free of the chains. Others remain in religion. They find there the nourishment their souls need, and the meaning for their lives and deaths. Towards the end of July this summer my mother died. As I felt the grief of the family, and my own, I looked for meaning. Where do we come from? Where do we go? What’s it all about? For a short life time we are in a body. After death there is no body. What, if anything, remains? And you, do you ever ask? Do you look for meaning beyond what can be seen? Do you find it? In a hundred years time will your life make a difference? In the year 2200, what traces will be left of you? Are you numbed by the multitude of “things” in your life? Have you fallen asleep, or do you still know what it is to be excited, thrilled by your experiences? I find the Enneagram an excellent map for getting to grips with the human condition in general and spirituality in particular. It pulls its wisdom from many spiritual traditions and is blessed with the experience of wise people throughout the ages. And so I’ve decided to organise the first Enneagram workshops of 2008/9 around the theme of Spirituality. We’ll take the time we find appropriate to give justice to our discussion and then follow on in the year with other themes such as Communication, Conflict, Time and Leadership. I do hope you join us. Go well. Thomas PS: A brilliant book I’m reading on the subject at the moment is The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram by Sandra Maitri a former student of Claudio Naranjo. Haslingfield 18 January 2008 Hi everyone In this message I shall give you - Information on the special one day workshop on 2 February exploring the intelligences of the Heart, the Head and the Gut. - Information about the evening workshop on 11 February exploring the Psychological Defence Mechanisms used by each Ennea-type. - Some musings on Compassion. 1. THE INTELLIGENCE OF THE HEART, THE HEAD AND THE GUT Plato called these energies Reason, Emotion and Appetite. The Enneagram names them the Centres of Intelligence. This workshop will explore three different ways of being intelligent. We shall ask: - Do you live primarily through your heart and feelings? - Do you feel safe only when your Head gives its reasons? - Or do you act firstly on your gut instincts? This is a very powerful theme which opens up exciting new avenues for understanding the attitudes and behaviour of others and of your self. The workshop will take place in Haslingfield on 2 February, from 10am to 3.30pm and the fee of £45 per person covers the workshop, work manual, soup and roll at lunch time, and all day refreshments. You can also bring along your own food if you wish. And, for bookings before 27 January there is an early bird reduction of £5. 2. THE DEFENCE MECHANISMS It is normal that when you feel vulnerable you adopt a way of defending your self. However, like the rich man hiding in fear behind his high walls, you can also become victim of your own defences. In the evening workshop on 11 February we shall explore the fascinating world of mechanisms such as introjection, projection and narcotization. Don’t let the psychological language put you off. These are real realities easily understood which can have enormous influence on our daily lives. The workshop takes place in Haslingfield beginning with refreshments at 7.15pm and ending at 9.30pm. The fee of £15 includes the workshop, handouts and refreshments. 3. MUSINGS ON COMPASSION Over the last few months, we have had some moving exchanges on Parenting. We have seen how our own parents were born into a messy world to parents who themselves were wounded. We explored how as children we inherited some of that wounded-ness and then frequently added to it. And we have seen that being a parent, being in fact human, is a journey strewn with doubt and challenge, as well as with fabulous feelings of joy and fulfilment. Again and again we discovered that the beginning of a way out of the pain is to acknowledge it; not to condemn ourselves for feeling it, as if we were its instigators, but to be compassionate, towards others and towards our selves. I have heard it said that a person becomes mature the moment they succeed in forgiving their parents. I would add that true freedom comes also when we extend forgiveness and compassion to ourselves. Gurdjieff, that incredible spiritual vagabond of the early 20th century and a luminary in the introduction of the Enneagram to the West, remarked that “Man can often give up everything except his own suffering.” As a person who has listened to countless people, and to my self, over the last four decades, I have seen that it is indeed a challenge to let go of our suffering and pain. They can become like a lifeboat which we cling to well after the storm has passed. To leave the lifeboat can often mean being bold enough to acknowledge our past, extending compassion towards those who were co-actors in it, and towards our own feelings of vulnerability and even of guilt; to feel the power of our own ability to forgive, and to move on. If you have any reactions to these musings or to any other parts of this message, I’d be delighted to hear from you by email, by telephone number 01223 871114, or in person. In the mean time, I wish you well on your journey. Thomas Haslingfield 19 December 2007 Hello, everyone In this message you’ll find GREETINGS FOR THE NEW YEAR A BRIEF REVIEW OF 2007 NOTICE OF TWO WORKSHOPS: I. EVENING WORKSHOP 14 JANUARY 2008: THE ENNEAGRAM AND PARENTING 2. FULL DAY WORKSHOP 2 FEBRUARY 2008. THE THREE CENTRES OF INTELLIGENCE: HEART, GUT AND HEAD ______________________________________ Firstly, a word of greeting for the festive season. May your fire never lose its flame, your hearth be always warm and your heart open to abundance. May you have the courage to give to others of what you have, and ask of them what you have not. Thank you for your participation in the Enneagram workshops over the last year and for your many words of appreciation. _________________________________ I am proud of the atmosphere we have created for our evenings. They are relaxed, friendly and stimulating. And at all times we meet in an attitude of confidentiality and genuine mutual respect. People feel free to attend as their busy timetables permit. There are a number of “core” participants while others drop in when they can; and we have new people joining us constantly. Major themes of 2007 included the Sub-types and the effect of Enneatypes on Parenting styles. We’ll complete this last theme, Enneagram and Parenting, at our first workshop of 2008, on Monday 14th January. We shall discuss the Gut people, the Eights, Nines and Ones, who in their dealings with the world, before analytical powers or feelings, tend to trust firstly their intuitions and gut reactions. ____________________________________ On Saturday 2 February I am running a workshop in Haslingfield from 10am to 3.30pm on the three centres of intelligence. In our attitudes and behaviour some of us give primary importance to feelings, others to instincts, and others to analytical reasoning. This fascinating subject helps explain many of the situations of conflict and misunderstanding we meet at home, at work or in our social lives. The cost for this workshop is £48 and includes a work manual, hot soup and a roll at lunch time, as well as coffee, tea and biscuits throughout the day. There is also a £5 early bird discount for fees received before 26 January. In the first weeks of the New Year, I shall give you more details of these workshops, but if in the meantime you want to ask me anything please feel free to contact me. With my very best wishes for your health and happiness. Thomas Haslingfield. 10 May 2007 WHAT IS HEALTH? HOW DO WE ACHIEVE IT? You know the cost of ill health. You know the frustration of projects not completed on time. The extra burden put on others to cover for the illness of a colleague, whether it be a physical illness or mental: stress, anxiety or depression. The distress of watching the suffering of a loved one. You’ve heard the phrase ‘work life balance’ and you want to know how to achieve it and what it feels like. You know the buzz when you are well. When physically and mentally you feel totally energised. Ready for anything. You work well. People around you are happy. Your business thrives. A workshop on 14 May will bring together business people, trainers, counsellors, life coaches and other professionals to try to define what we mean when we speak of health and a healthy life. We shall attempt to create definitions to evaluate what is healthy for each of us individually and as a community and, most essentially, to identify practical steps towards creating a healthy life. The format of the workshop will be inter-active and will be led by myself, with the special participation of Raphael Neu, RCHom, an experienced homeopath. Coming from the different perspectives of the Enneagram and Homeopathy, we have been examining these issues for many years, and for this workshop, we come together to help participants clarify and deepen their own understanding and attitude to health. The workshop takes place in Haslingfield, near to Cambridge, and is open to all. It begins at 7.15pm with refreshments and finishes at 9.30pm. The fee is £15 per person and includes refreshments and handouts. Places are limited so, if possible, please let me know before 10 May if you intend coming. For more details please contact me on 01223 871114, or by email thomashillas@homecall.co.uk I look forward to seeing you. ________________________________ Haslingfield, 2 April 2007 THE MYTH OF THE RISEN GOD This week people of the Jewish faith celebrate the Passover Feast, while people of the Christian belief celebrate Easter. Both peoples celebrate a crossing over from suffering and death into a place of new life. It is a mythology which resounds from chords deep in the human psyche. Jews, Christians, Muslims, people of all religions bring great beauty to the world. They offer transformation, freedom, life. They can also be a source of immense suffering, violence and death. It is one of the great tragedies of humankind. When stuck in our specific form of fundamentalism, our sincerely held beliefs, models, principles and ideologies each of us humans, religious or not, can become participant in very inhuman tragedy. Who of us does not know suffering of some sort? Mental, emotional, physical. And, if not our own, then that of others, family, friends, colleagues, clients. Who of us has not caused suffering? And by doing so killed something beautiful. Within the other and within ourselves. In an image conscious, success goaled world, it may not be polite to speak of suffering, and even less of death. From behind the chocolate eggs and the bunny rabbits we can try to avoid them. They are there all the same, however, suffering, pain, death; and to avoid them, I would suggest, is to try to avoid a deep mystery of life itself. Because it is within pain, as well as within joy, that the life in our deepest, most authentic being can be stirred. Our soul can resound to the myth of the dead god who relives, to the setting sun which rises, to the cold earth which blossoms each spring. And in our soul, our essence, in that place, whatever the name we give to it, where we are truly at home, in that sacred place, we can be compassionate with ourselves, with a dynamic compassion. In that place, the divine within us can rise and lead us to the freedom of a new life. Best wishes to you all. Thomas Haslingfield. 15 January 2007. WHO RUNS THE ASYLUM? The film The Last King of Scotland, which purports to tell the story of Idi Amin Dada and which opened in Cambridge this week, has brought back my memories of him, and my musings. If you would like to I'd be delighted to receive your comments. I met Amin in Uganda over coffee just after he came to power on 25 January 1971. Idi was visiting our mission post, partly to apologise for the killing of one of our colleagues at Entebbe airport the day of the coup d’etat. It was at the beginning of his reign, and, apart from this “accident”, we had little idea of the horrors yet to come. Idi Amin is judged to have been insane. He certainly did some insane and extraordinarily bad things. And so I remember the things I witnessed there, what we saw, heard and heard about. I remember the acts also of other leaders, including those in power today who claim to represent me in the world arena. They judge Amin to have been insane, just as they judge insane others in their various axes of evil, arcs of terrorism and other assorted groupings. Who runs the asylum, I suppose, decides who are the insane and who are not. Idi, during the economic crisis in Britain of the early 1970’s, offered to send the Queen a boat load of bananas to distribute to her needy subjects. The gesture was considered to be a symptom of his insanity. Yet, I muse, we in the sane countries send to developing countries annually billions of dollars worth of weapons, of untested medicine, of totally inappropriate development projects, and we call it aid, or, in the case of Iraq, the spread of democracy. And nearer to home, we clear out our cupboards, buy new stuff and give away the old to Oxfam, or whoever, for the poor. And feel good about it. But isn’t there, if not insanity, at least a touch of wonkiness in that attitude? I mean, it’s the poor who need the new stuff because they haven’t the money to pay for it, so would it not be a bit less wonky to do things the other way round? I remember listening to someone looking after a number of poor people who were also hard of hearing. I think it was in France. They told me of being given an old television by some well-meaning people. These people were getting rid of the television because the sound quality was deteriorating. Getting rid of an old television with wonky sound by giving it to deaf people, I mean, how wonky can you get? Would it not make more sense to keep the old TV for ourselves, if we have good hearing, and to buy a new set for those who really need high quality sound? And even nearer to home, on an individual level, we can each be caught in a wonky way of looking at the world. We see people and things through a narrow lens. We judge the behaviour of others from our own point of view of what is wonky, and what is not, what is appropriate and what is not. As they judge us too from theirs. And, I ask, can judgement itself be sometimes the most inappropriate and wonky attitude of all. Judging ourselves to begin with, harshly. And judging others. One of our new people expressed it at the end of our last Enneagram workshop. And I thank them for it. Summarizing the evening’s discussion and the attitude of the group, they said they had found not judgement, but compassion. Compassion for the wounds and wonkiness of each of us, as we strive to forgive ourselves, to heal and to grow. Go well. Thomas Haslingfield. 30 December 2006 BBC Radio Cambridge has asked me to do a piece on New Year Resolutions tomorrow, so that’s what I’ve been musing on: New Year resolutions or, rather, the War of the New Year Resolutions. Because that’s what New Year resolutions can become, don’t you think? The battle of the bulge. The fight for the top. The struggle to get on top of our finances, our relationships, our work, our studies, and whatever. A war with ourselves. In particular, New Year resolutions can become a war with guilt. Guilt which drives us to do things, or to give up things. And, especially when we lose the war of the New Year resolutions, or any-other-time-of-the-year resolutions, guilt which can drive us to give up on ourselves. “I’m getting fat”, we might say, “I’m fed up with being unfit…fed up with not keeping to my decisions…fed up with everything…fed up with me.” The guilt makes war in our head. “You’ve got to get a better job”, it screams, “a better relationship…work harder…take more time off…give up smoking…go on a diet...start jogging”. And so, for example, in the first few weeks of the New Year, the gym where our family are members gets packed with people fighting the fat, fighting for fitness, fighting themselves. And, so often, losing. Strange words from a life coach and a counsellor, you might say. “What’s all this negativity? you might ask. “Where’s your positive attitude? Your blue sky thinking?” And of course the questions are pertinent. My work is about helping people effect change in their lives, feel positive about themselves. Where appropriate and when desired by the client, it involves goal setting, action plans, visualisation, S.M.A.R.T and the rest. However, my guiding inspiration is always my belief that each of us is unique and good, already, now. This inspiration comes from the Latin “hic et nunc”, the here and now, of my seminary training, the total positive regard of that great psychotherapist, Carl Rogers, the Higher Self of Assagioli’s Psychosynthesis. It comes from my reading of Tolle’s “The Power of Now”, and from my experience of the “Essence” of the Enneagram. Indeed it is the conviction of any spiritual tradition which I respect that, at a deep level, no change is required. As divine beings we are already complete. Like Michael Angelo’s David, to discover our true selves, we have only to break away the hard marble and dross which conceal and imprison us. Given the right environment, an environment where we are in touch with our deep selves, each of us will choose what is best for our self and for those around us. This is not selfishness, even less arrogance. This is an attitude of true self-awareness, of fulness: a place where our deep selfhood is in harmony with the universal self, the community of all beings. And so, to begin the year 2007 I suggest we take the warring and the guilt out of our resolutions. Wherever it might be in our lives let’s feel ok about the bulge. Let’s be ok with ourselves. Thank our selves for being who we are, now. Where we are, now. And, in that place of true self love, receive freely our life choices. Happy New Year to you all. Thomas Haslingfield 15 December 2006 The Christmas period has got me musing about a few f-words. Frantic is an f-word which comes readily to mind. As busy people running families, businesses, or just ordinary day to day tasks, life can seem just that, frantic. It can happen that we are so busy running the ship we have too little time to take stock and ask the big questions. About where the ship is going, for instance, if it's going in the direction we want it to or, indeed, if it's the ship we actually want to be on. Then there's the word Fame. Nowadays, a lot of people seem to be looking for it, whether it be in fame academies, on football fields, or in the board room. Sometimes I struggle not to get caught up in the hype. Do we have to be famous to be real? I muse. Have a fortune in order to be worthwhile? Be a star in the company, or participant in an effective team working for the success of the whole enterprise? Failure is another one. How much place is there for failure in the prevailing attitudes of today's world? Some of my colleagues tell me there's no such thing as failure, only feedback. Well, I muse, how do I say that to someone who has just lost a loved one through a botched up operation? To a kid who has worked their heart out for a school project only to be told it isn't up to the mark? Or to an entrepreneur who sees months of effort on a vital project seemingly wasted in second place to a competitor? If we rubbish the experience of failure don't we risk blocking one of the paths to the real depths of human existence - and ultimately to the source of our creative powers? And Feast is a final one. The Feast of Christmas, for instance. What's it all about? Is it the frantic rush around the shops and parties? And/or is it the chance to take stock? For Christians, it's part of the foundation of their lives; for many of the rest of us, it's a fascinating and inspiring myth. And, for both, it can surely be a celebration of what it is to be human, fabulous beings of substance, strugglers with pain, failure and success, seekers of the divine within us all. If you've any comments on these musings, or on any other subject, please feel free to get back to me thomashillas@homecall.co.uk In the meantime, have a great festive holiday. Thomas Haslingfield, 20 Nov 2006 Hi, everyone In this message, which is longer than usual, you’ll find A. Information about December’s festive Enneagram workshop B. Comments on November’s workshop C. Revised information about the Enneagram introductory workshop on 3 February 2007. D. The story of the revolting sparrow which was told at the last workshop and which people asked me to send them a copy of. A. December’s workshop is on Monday 11th beginning at 7.15. Because it is our last workshop before Christmas, prepare if you can to stay beyond 9.30 in order to enjoy mulled wine and other Christmas fayre, while catching up with people in a more informal atmosphere. In the workshop, we shall discuss strategies for supporting people of the Nine profile, who wish to change some of their habitual attitudes and behaviour. People of the Nine profile are often thought of as peacemakers who will do almost anything to avoid conflict. Paradoxically, they also hold a lot of deep anger, which can come out at unexpected moments leaving others shocked and bewildered. After the discussion about the Nines, we shall distribute a written summary which will help us in a brief revision of all nine profiles. And we’ll finish the formal part of the workshop with a Christmas mystery fun exercise. Apart from our Christmas jollity on 11th, several people have asked if we could arrange a social evening at some point. Friday, December 15th at the Arundel Hotel in Cambridge has been mentioned, but we can discuss it further when we meet. B. In November’s workshop we spoke in depth of the Three and Eight profiles. As witnessed by your feedback, this was a powerful discussion. It included comments about modern day society which is often dominated by the Image Seeking and celebrity glamour of the undeveloped Three coupled with the Bullying and Violence of the unaware Eight. I would like to thank all of the participants over the last few months, in particular when you have offered to the group examples of your own attitudes and behaviour. Furthering this point, I would like to remind you that I am always delighted when people get back to me individually to discuss issues which have come up for you, or been triggered by the group discussion. If you have held back so far, please feel free to contact me. It’s part of the service. C. You are already aware of the Enneagram Introductory workshop on Saturday 3 February 2007. The workshop is open to anyone who wishes to learn about the Enneagram for the first time, or who wishes to deepen their knowledge of it. We are finding that more and more counsellors, coaches and trainers, for instance, are keen to add it to their portfolio, and I shall therefore be delivering a special First Level Certificate on completion of this workshop. Barbara, my wife, will be assisting me on this workshop. She is highly experienced in Enneagram work, has worked as a Cruise Counsellor, is a qualified Life Coach, and is two years into her Homeopathy training. She has already delivered the introductory Enneagram training at various venues, and we find it a joy to work together. To make the workshop accessible to as many people as possible, we have decided to reduce the fee for the day by 25% to £45 per individual and £75 for couples. We are also offering a £5 discount per booking for full payments recieved before 20 January. We trust that you will tell as many people as possible about this workshop. They will be forever grateful to you. D. And finally, the story of the revolting sparrow. A young adolescent sparrow, way up in the cold wastes of northern Scandinavia, refused one November day, to join his parents on their annual migratory trip to warmer climes. Despite their pleas, their threats and warnings, he stood firm in his revolt, so that with heavy heart one cold morning his parents had finally to leave him. Some days later, the revolting sparrow began to have second thoughts. In fact, as the weather got colder and colder, he became very afraid and regretted the revolting thoughts which had led him to take such a foolhardy decision. He decided to swallow (hence the name of this particular species of bird) his pride, and took off in pursuit of his parents away from the icy cold towards the southern sun. Unfortunately, it was too late. As he flew, the young sparrow felt himself becoming colder and colder, until his wings totally iced over and he plummeted to the ground. “Here, I die”, sobbed the young sparrow. “Cold and alone.” But, unbeknown to the young sparrow, he had in fact fallen into the middle of a farmyard, at evening time, as the farm cows returned from their feeding. Satiated and content after her feeding, one of the cows did what satiated and contented cows do: she shat. And her shit covered the young sparrow. “Yuk,” screamed silently, his mouth full, the young sparrow. “How revolting! Not only do I die cold and alone, but also in this revolting shit!” As he lay there, however, the sparrow began to feel the warmth of the shit gently melting the ice on his wings. Gradually, it warmed his whole body, so that he began to feel relieved and happy. So happy did he feel, in fact, that he began singing. The swallow’s singing was sweet and melodious and attracted the attention of the farmyard cat, who, on finding the young swallow, promptly ate him. There are three morals to this story which, I am sure, you have already guessed: Firstly, the one who puts you in the shit is not necessarily your enemy. Secondly, the one who gets you out of the shit is not necessarily your friend. And thirdly, if you are in the shit, be happy, and keep your mouth shut. Get back to me if you wish to share with me any situations where you think this story applies, wish to be taken off my mailing list, or have any have any other comments or feedback. Go well. Thomas Haslingfield 8 November 2006 Hi, everyone A reminder of the next Enneagram workshop this coming Monday, 13 November, and a couple of my musings. I’d be delighted if you got back to me with your reactions. The workshop begins with refreshments at 7.15pm and finishes at 9.30pm. We’ve had a full room over recent months, and many of you have expressed your appreciation of our discussions, the things you’ve learned, and the practical insights for your private and professional lives. And I add my own voice to that. Thank you. On Monday, it would be great to see again some of you who, for one reason or another, have not been able to make it lately. Rest assured, you will find yourself at ease and will be inspired. In September and October we began looking at specific ways to help other people who wish it, family, friends, colleagues for instance, of the different Enneagram profiles move out of their habitual behaviour and live in a freer, more fulfilling way. We concentrated chiefly on the Ones, Twos, Fours, Fives, and Sevens. On Monday, we’ll discuss support strategies that Threes, Sixes, Eights and Nines can look for from others. Time permitting, we’ll also review the others. Fine words, are they not? To be free. To live more fulfilling lives. How many systems, profiling models in particular, are offering us today that vision? I hear people comment about how wary they feel of it all, bemused, cynical, or simply bored. Without the Enneagram, NLP, Myers-Briggs, blue sky thinking, life coaches, counsellors and the rest of us, how are on earth, we might wonder, did our ancestors survive? At the extreme, we can be led to think that, if we don’t get our selves profiled, developed, coached or counselled, our businesses, organisations, families, couples, and even our personal lives will collapse irrevocably. And yet, our innate wisdom suggests to us that these wonderful tools can also cause harm. Even the most idealistic vision can be used to manipulate us, to box us in, to get us to act in ways that others expect of us, that are not necessarily true to who we are. And as someone who knows what my own boxes are and struggles with them, I would like to stress again that our workshops do not intend to box in any one. Our Enneagram workshops are not there to “Enneagram” us. Our intent is to open the windows, and to support one another in seeing other options, fresh horizons, different ways we might do things – if we choose to. See you on Monday. Go well. Thomas. Haslingfield 2 October 2006 Hi, everyone FROM JUNGLE TO COMMUNITY The next workshop of the Cambridge Enneagram group is on Monday evening, 9 October. We begin with refreshments at 7.15 and end at 9.30. I very much look forward to seeing you there. Last month we began discussing how we can help and support each other on our path to personal fulfilment. Thank you to everyone who participated and thank you for all the feedback. I am both humbled and delighted to know that people get so much from our meetings. I am particularly pleased when people who come for the first time, or who return after a period of absence, tell me how welcomed and at ease they are made to feel. The expression “personal fulfilment” can suggest some sort of individualistic self serving craving to make my own way with no thought for others, and at worst to use those around me as tools for my own advancement. My reading glasses, when I can find them, are not so rose tinted as to believe that such an attitude does not exist. Indeed, elements of our present day society consciously promote the law of the fittest surviving in what is presented as some sort of jungle. The law of survival, I suggest, can only lead to the eventual economic, physical, psychological, political and spiritual destruction of us all. Even in the world of business, the most forward-looking entrepreneurs realise that co-operation and the creation of you win - I win situations are far more profitable than mutual throat cutting. I like the old tale of the participants on a Management Training Course being brought on a tour of Hell and Heaven. In Hell they saw people seated around a table covered with delicious food of every description. Beside each person was a pair of metre long knives and forks. But everyone was wasting away with starvation, because no one was able to manipulate the clumsy utensils adequately to feed themselves. In Heaven they saw another table piled with all kinds of wholesome, delicious food. Each person seated around the table was also provided with metre-long cutlery. These people were happy and contented. Get back to me if you know why. And if you don’t guess at what makes the difference, get back to me anyway, and I’ll tell you. It’s a tale which connects well to our Enneagram work, because underlying this work is the challenge to unleash the fabulous talents of each of us as well as, and in tandem with, the boundless creative possibilities of our human community. Stay well, and see you on Monday. Thomas Haslingfield, 12 September Hi, everyone I am really looking forward to our workshop on Monday. We'll be talking about how we can support others, and be supported ourselves, in our journey to self fulfilment. We live in what can sometimes seem to be a world of shocking individualism, isolating selfishness, and ruthless competition. My own experience of people tells me something different. Deep within us, we do care for each other, and we do know that love is more than just a word for pop songs and the fairies. We learn that love is a hard nosed commitment to the betterment of all of us. In its own small way, I trust that our Enneagram work gives us practical guidelines for taking on that challenge. Haslingfield. 27 July 2006 Hi, everyone Continuing my little ramblings on out of date subjects, I find myself writing about GUILT. Please get back to me with your reactions. Guilt reared up its head at our last Enneagram workshop, where we talked of paths to transformation. One participant summed up the thought of many when she asked, with hesitating relief, "So it is not our fault, then?" (Understood: "It’s not our fault, then, that we have the profile/hang ups/failures/etc that we have"?) No, it’s not our fault. From an early age we have developed strategies for survival in a world we perceived as threatening. That, it seems to me, is a responsible thing to do. To survive, I mean. The challenge comes when those survival strategies take over and become our masters, or mistresses. Then, rather than dealing with a real threat, no matter what the situation, we follow slavishly an ingrained pattern of thinking and behaving. The strategies for survival become traps to stifle us. And in those traps, feeling guilty can in fact be a cop out for not getting on and changing what it is our responsibility to change. Guilt can take away our sense of responsibility; it can paralyse us. Having been brought up a Catholic, I know Mr Guilt, his wife, as well as his many aunts, uncles and cousins. In my coaching and counselling, I have spent thousands of hours helping people release themselves from the paralysis of inappropriate guilt. I have even managed to free myself (in large part) from its clutches. But it’s not just Catholics who know about guilt. Without going into other religions, I’ve just got to take a look at our everyday world to see guilt all around me. I look, for instance, at the play on our propensity to guilt implicit in much of the advertising we are submitted to, much of it to do with body image. Guilt, it seems to me, is one of a marketing director's best agents. And then there’s the guilt imposed upon us by the general norms of society: The guilt, for instance, which parents can feel about the way they bring up their children, even when they are doing the best they can. The guilt about saying “no”, to our kids or others, because what they ask for goes against our own personal code of ethics and behaviour. The guilt we can feel when we are not making the money that others seem to be raking in. And there’s the helpless feeling of guilt about the British Government’s collaboration in the destruction of that beautiful country of Lebanon, and the genocide of so many of its children. This sense of helplessness can accompany guilt and paralyse us even further. It is then, that to be transformed, we need to release our selves from inappropriate guilt, and take deep responsibility for who we are, how we think, and how we act. Catholics are taught that even helpless infants are born guilty, born in a state of what is called “Original Sin”. This evil condition, if not cleansed as a matter of urgency from our soul, sets us down for eternal damnation. I refuse to down load guilt on to a helpless child, just as I refuse to accept that body image, salary, or the criminal actions of my Government define my own value as a person. I do believe in Responsibility. Responsibility for our own lives, our attitudes, actions and words. And, ultimately, those actions and words are truly human, truly virtuous when they are inspired by our real original state - that of being an Original Blessing. It seems to me that each of us is a Blessing for the Universe; each of us is ultimately good, whole, and holysome. Each of us is a gift to the others. Each of us is Blessing. To put it briefly, considering the frightfully dangerous situation our planet is in, I think you’ll agree, staying stuck in guilt is not really a healthy option. Something has to change. We need to take responsibility for our own lives; get back in touch with who we really are; and get on transforming our selves and the world. Go well. Thomas A COUPLE OF MUSINGS ON DA VINCI'S CODE Haslingfield, 19 May 2006 If you are awake this coming Sunday, 21 May, at 8.20am you might like to tune into BBC Radio Cambridgeshire on FM 95.7 and 96. My good friend, Sara, producer of the Sunday morning show, has arranged tickets for Barbara and I to spend an evening at the cinema watching The Da Vinci Code. Nice. And on Sunday I'll give a review of it. I suppose with my background people might expect some serious commentary. What? About a film? Oh, come on...let's chill out! I find it fascinating how a film like this, and before that the book, can attract so much hype. I could go all intellectual and snobby and say it's not my thing. In fact, I did just that for about twelve months until someone actually bought the book for me and I felt I had to read it. I enjoyed it as a "let's not get too demanding, read on the beach...", and tried not to get too far up my high horse at the, in parts, very weak English and silly moments in the various chase scenes. But isn't it intriguing how religion and a subject like this still attract the crowds? Still give so many people a reason for getting serious and nations an alibi for conflict and war? As for going to see this film, well, if Jesus did exist and we read the Gospel stories about him, would he be taking a film, which in a year or two will be totally forgotten, with the level of seriousness that a lot of religious people are taking it? Would he be standing outside the cinema crying "Blasphemy! Defamation! Ban it!" etc? Or a couple of months ago, for that matter, if he were a Muslim, would he be taking a few silly cartoons so seriously that he'd be shouting for the death of their designers? The picture I always got of Jesus, when I was into that sort of thing, was that he was a bit of a lad himself, enjoyed his parties, associated with some pretty shady people, and certainly liked the women. And so I’m wondering whether, rather than ranting and raving about the film outside the cinema, would he instead be inside, chilling out with a mate or mate-tess, watching it? Go well. Thomas 2 May 2006 DARE TO BE VULNERABLE Vulnerability is a word that’s been coming in and out of my mind a lot lately. Last year sometime, someone forwarded me an email from one of the close assistants of a guy who attracts thousands of adepts at hundreds of pounds each to what are billed as life changing weekends. This assistant certified quite clearly that after attending one of these weekends, “no one would ever be vulnerable again”. Wow! And a lot of times Wow! So we come out of our meeting with this guy’s boss no longer human? Is that what it means? Some of you may not agree, and if so please tell me, but it seems to me that to be vulnerable is an intrinsic part of what it is to be human. To begin with, we come into this world without being asked our opinion, and t